History professor: The Irish love country music. When you're there, you expect to hear bagpipes playing, but then you walk into a bar and it's all, “you've been flushed from the bathroom of my heart!”
Northern Kentucky University
Overheard by: Dohiyi
Girl: Your child is adorable.
Proud father: Yes, she's so fluffy and absorbent!
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Hobo: Anyone got a dollar? I'm hungry as hell.
Fat girl: Here you go, man. (gives him a five)
Hobo: Thank you! Thank you! Now, see, because she's fat–no, I say healthy. I like my women healthy, gives me something to grab onto. Now, because she's fat, she knows I got to eat!
Fat girl: Umm…
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Girl to friend: He said that I was his new BFF. “Best fuck forever”! I said that was sweet, and gave him a little kiss.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: TrixChix
Gay man on cell in big crowd: Where are you? I'm wearing a gray sweater, a black jacket, and a faggy scarf. A really faggy fag scarf.
Nuit Blanche
Toronto
Canadia
Woman (talking on the phone about a friend): She's happy as a clam since she had her uterus removed…
Husband (in the background): Happy as a clam without a uterus.
Woman: (glaring at him, keeps talking)
Husband: Happy as a clam without a uterus!
Dresden, New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Hipster on cell: And then she started talking about trouser gravy…
Mesa College
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Tish
Mom with two kids getting on escalator: Tommy, do you know what this is called? This is an escalator.
Tommy: Escalator.
Mom: Do you know what the opposite of “escalate” is?
(Tommy remains silent)
Mom: Elevate!
Airport
Atlanta, Georgia
English teacher (about Don Pedro in Much Ado about Nothing: “Don” in Spanish means “wicked cool guy.”
Tantasqua High School
Fiskdale, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Kat
Guy on phone: I'm going to titty fuck her on the casket.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: kOLT
