The Difference Between Quality and Quantity Eludes Many Americans

Pouting newlywed wife: I feel like we don't spend enough time together.
Seething newlywed husband: (grinds teeth)
Pouting newlywed wife: Enough quality time.
Seething newlywed husband: (remains silent)
Pouting newlywed wife: Would you like me to tell you what quality time is?
Seething newlywed husband: (about to speak, thinks better of it)
Pouting newlywed wife: 23 hours a day.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/465741992/one-hour-is-plenty-of-time-for-a-lot-of-drugs.html

Overheard by: good, that leaves one hour for him to think of a response

Posted on June 16, 2019
Couples, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Overheard in Minneapolis, Questions, Relationships

But Only Because They're Twins

Guy #1: I am in love with her, do you know how I know that?
Guy #2: Because she reminds you of your mom?
Guy #1: Dude, gross! (pause) She does remind me of my sister a bit.

Devner, Colorado

Posted on June 10, 2019
Colorado, Default, Family ties, Feelings, Guys, Questions

Then We Did Her Together

Artist at dealer’s table: … So basically I ended up doing an Ewok mistress for him.

Anthrocon
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Posted on June 9, 2019
Guys, Pennsylvania, Roleplay

He Had to Lay Off Most Of His Elves

Little boy in coffee shop: Mom, I want it, I want it, I want it!
Mom: Shhh, Joshua! Santa Claus is watching!
Little boy: Mom! Santa Claus is not watching!

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Posted on June 9, 2019
Default, Guys, Kids, Lies, Michigan, Moms, Names, Women

And the Knee Socks Were Only a Little Help

Concerned guy: So, were you wearing a loincloth?
Friend: See, that's the thing, I don't know.

Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland
Canadia

Overheard by: Mel

Posted on June 3, 2019
Ass, Canadia, Clothes, Colleges & Universities, Default, Friends, Guys, Penis, Questions

As Opposed to Doing the Voodoo That You Do So Well

Girl: She really hated you for awhile, though. She even made a voodoo doll of you.
Guy: Are you fucking serious?!
Girl: Well, she Velcroed a bunch of angry words to a cabbage patch doll and then cried because she was afraid the doll thought she was angry at it specifically.
Guy: She always maintained an impressive level of incompetence.

Boston, Massachusetts

Posted on May 30, 2019
Default, Feelings, Girls, Guys, Massachusetts, Questions, Weirdness, Words

A Rumor Which, Unfortunately, Will Stay in Vegas.

Guy in wife beater on phone: She said my dick was just too long.

Casino
Las Vegas, Nevada

Posted on May 29, 2019
Compare and contrast, Default, Guys, Nevada, Penis, Sex

But It Was a Planned Incarceration

Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can’t believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you’re supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn’t! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!

Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa

Overheard by: Casey

Posted on May 29, 2019
Bus, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Couples, Crimes, Euphemisms, Fat people, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hoochies, Iowa, Leisure, Relationships

Rather Than Someone Else's

Guy at the end of the very long line to men's room: Man, it's like the line to Space Mountain. Except when you get to the end you have your dick in your hand.

Festival of Ales
Worcester, Massachusetts

Posted on May 24, 2019
Compare and contrast, Default, Guys, Hands, Massachusetts, Penis

…As This 45-Minute Presentation Will Demonstrate.

Physicist: Elise has a quantum ass. It's either big or real big. Depending on what pants she wears.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: change

Posted on May 20, 2019
Ass, Clothes, Clothing, Compare and contrast, Guys, Illinois, Science

Guys