Drunk guy: I'm so happy I'm a guy. I don't have to wipe after I pee.
Tipsy girl: You should really wipe if you want Lisa* to suck your dick.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Drunk guy: I'm so happy I'm a guy. I don't have to wipe after I pee.
Tipsy girl: You should really wipe if you want Lisa* to suck your dick.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Stylish girl: I could never be happy with him. All he does is speak in cliches. Who could be happy with someone like that?
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Statistics teacher: There is a correlation between cats and happiness. Cats make people happy. But not all cats. I still have nightmares about some cats. When I was a little girl, there was this cat, Greta, who lived outdoors. I wanted to pet her, but she scratched up my whole arm and got her claws into my protoplasm!
Atlanta, Georgia
Girl to friend: It's like someone touches your cunt and you get all happy.
Easton, Maryland
Cute boyfriend to girlfriend: I am so glad you eat!
Washington, DC
Woman at diner: So I answer it, and he goes “Hi! Happy 9/11!”
Restaurant
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth
Woman on cell: Take him home in a straitjacket, or take him to the psych ward in a straitjacket…either way, he's not going to be happy.
Saratoga, California
Overheard by: Coffee shoppe caffeine junky
Asian girl, holding out fist: Pound it?
Queer: Do I look like someone who pounds it?
Asian girl, giggling: Ummmm…
West Lafayette, Indiana
Overheard by: Kole
Hobo, picking through recycling for cans and bottles: Thank god it's Friday!
Central Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Completely calm girl: We're all gonna die.
Happy girl, laughing: It's true!
Eugene, Oregon
