Brunette girl: So like, if I had a mustache, would you tell me?
Tall blonde friend: Of course, would you tell me?
Brunette: Totally.
Tall blonde: I totally have a mustache?!
Brunette: No, no, no…I would totally tell you if you did, but you don't!
Tall blonde: Oh, okay.
(several seconds pass, they sip drinks)
Tall blonde: So we're having topless sleepover at my place tonight, right?
Red Maple
Baltimore, Maryland
Gay guy, gesturing at transvestite performing onstage: I don't want to see any more boobs. Show me the dicks!
Gay friends, approving: We want dicks!
DNA Lounge
San Francisco, California
Mother (giving four-year-old a children’s bible): Here, find Jesus for mommy.
Doctor’s Office
Ashland, Kentucky
Overheard by: Lola
Huge gangsta boy: Maaaan, gimme a hug!
Preppy white friend: What?! No!
Huge gansta boy: What the fuck, man, just gimme a goddam hug!
High School
Nashville, Tennessee
Eight-year-old kid in line for Universal Studios park ticket: I know how to get a discount ticket.
Eight-year-old friend: How?
Eight-year-old kid: You get your friend to come along with you, then you stab him in the neck and say “My friend’s dying, can we have discount tickets?”
Universal Studios
Los Angeles, California
Boy to friends: C'mon, we're going to watch Johnny pee!
New Jersey
Overheard by: CS
Middle-aged woman shopping with husband: If we weren't so old, I would say “let's go into the parking lot and make a baby.”
Target
Hackensack, New Jersey
Flight attendant: Fasten your seatbelt low and tight around your waist, like Britney Spears' pants.
Airplane
St. Louis, Missouri
Bum women: Do you have bus fare? I need bus fare.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t have any change.
Bum: Well, fuck you, you fat, scheming, cheap bitches!
Main Street
Hartford, Connecticut
Small boy: [Runs up to his mother and hugs her around the waist.] Don’t take my soul!
Macy’s
Salem, New Hampshire
