Feelings

And Can I Use Your Leg As a Scratching Post?

Patron #1: Keith is really sorry to have acted like that.
Bartender: Does he even realize how drunk he was?
Patron #1: I’m just saying, that is not the Keith we know
Patron #2: [starts laughing].
Bartender: Well, he is a nice guy, he just gets too drunk.
Patron #1: I’m just letting you know, that according to all the cats he knows, you are the meow [makes a pawing gesture].
Bartender: Okay, how drunk are you?
Patron #2: He doesn’t even know who Keith is.
Patron #1: Where are we?

Bennigans
Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Chris

And That’s Not Even Including the Millions of Unborn Babies

Girl to friend: I swear to god, if there is semen on my shirt, I will kill everyone.

College Park, Maryland

Overheard by: Tom and Laura

Storytelling Is a Lost Art

Drunk bimbette: Oh my god! I used to like this ugly guy once… Then I realized he was ugly and stopped liking him.

Barbeque
Jundiaí
Brazil

Almost Like She Thinks I’m a Smartass

Guy #1: I think I fucked up my chance with Jen.
Guy #2: Why? what did you do?
Guy #1: Well she’s religious, and she sent me a text today that says, “I get real emotional on Good Friday.” so I write back, ‘I get real emotional on filet-o-fish Fridays.’ She hasn’t responded since.

Burbank, California

Overheard by: James Jameson

And Shoes. Don’t Forget Shoes

High school chick #1: Omygod, I totally love him.
High school chick #2: Omygod, me too.
High school chick #1: I mean, he is like easily the hottest guy at our school.
High school chick #2: Oh totally. Like he is soooo cute.
[pause].
High school chick #2: What does he look like again?
High school chick #1: Um, like, I think he wears jeans a lot.

Lambton Quay
Wellington
New Zealand

How Everybody Reacts to Ann Coulter’s Baby Pictures

Liberal student, passing photo of cute baby: Aw… [realizing it’s an ad for campus pro-life group] … Ugh.

Princeton University
New Jersey

At Least He’s Stopped Talking About His Turds.

Bitter guy: Girls don’t care about men, so I can’t relate to them. And men only care about sports, food, video games, and women. I do like to eat, but I hate women. I don’t like sports at all, and I’m soooo good at video games that other people can’t play with me because I am just too awesome.
Girl sitting at the table with him: Yeah…

University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts

What’s This Irrational Fear of Joan of Arc?

Man on cell: I wouldn’t worry about her though, she’s dead.

Newark airport
Newark, New Jersey

Overheard by: catherine

I Mean, Tea, Biscuits and Stories about the Blitz…!

Teen boy #1: What? You love old ladies?
Teen boy #2: Like. Like.

Leeds
UK

Who Knew Yuppie Teens Could Leave Us So Intrigued?

Yuppie teen girl #1: I’m sooo glad it didn’t happen when those boys were looking at the restaurant!
Yuppie teen girl #2: Your face is totally like a target for their… like… stuff.

Hotel elevator
South Carolina

Overheard by: wtf are you talking about?

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