Barista guy, gesturing toward mug of Sharpies: Are you aware that these markers cost ninety-nine cents each?
Barista chick: Are you aware that I want to get my nipples pierced?
Starbuck’s, Castro Street
Mountain View, California
Overheard by: touché
Barista guy, gesturing toward mug of Sharpies: Are you aware that these markers cost ninety-nine cents each?
Barista chick: Are you aware that I want to get my nipples pierced?
Starbuck’s, Castro Street
Mountain View, California
Overheard by: touché
Hipster guy: Yeah, it probably didn’t help that I gave you poison ivy and then threw up on you.
Bar
Columbia, Missouri
Wife: Do you like my new hairstyle?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: That’s it? Just “yep”?
Husband: Looks very different. It’ll be like having sex with another woman.
Wife: Asshole! Should have kept my mouth shut.
Husband: Yep.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
American guy: Hmm, what should we have for desert?
French girl: I’ve been craving crab cakes. With frosting.
American guy: Uhh, you mean cupcakes?!
3rd St West Hollywood
Los Angeles, California
White HS boy, in fake deep voice: That’s why titties and Tater Tots don’t mix!
33X Bus
Nashville, Tennessee
Five-year-old boy: How old are you?
Tutor: Twenty.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, well, do you know how to make a monkey?
Dallas, Texas
Tipsy girlfriend, playing “Never Have I Ever”: Never have I ever done 69 with anyone.
Boyfriend: Ping.
Girlfriend: What?! Who did you 69?!
Boyfriend: You, fool!
Girlfriend: Oh.
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: outfirst
Guy: I would ask her out, but she’s just so dumb. I mean, like, soo dumb.
Girl: Can’t you just overlook that for one night?
Guy: She’s not quite cute enough.
San Jose, California
Hooker: Hey baby, you looking for a good time?
Guy: Haha, hell no.
Hooker: Fine. All right then. Next!
Waikiki, Hawaii
Male art student: I’m in a creative writing class and I’ve been writing a lot of stories about mayonnaise.
Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania
