Woman #1: I fell down the stairs yesterday.
Woman #2: Oh my god! Me, too! What happened?
Woman #1: I don’t know. I just fell.
Woman #2: I guess I’m a little better than you — a possum was chasing me.
Target
Virginia
Archive for the ‘Stores’ Category
Hard to Imagine You Two Have Time to Read
(40-something man was hitting on young clerk when his wife comes up)
Man: I honestly think man wasn’t meant to be faithful. We’re all so sexual.
Wife: Did you forget I was here?
Man: I’ll be in the car in a second.
(she leaves store)
Man, after looking back at clerk: Please. She loves getting pimped out to my friends.
Bookstore
Ocala, Florida
It’s Not Gay If It’s About Video Games
10-year-old boy to GameStop guy, after purchasing Mario Galaxy: Bye, I love you! I mean…wait. I meant “thank you.” I didn’t mean it! (runs away)
GameStop
Vestavia Hills, Alabama
Overheard by: that’s what they all say
No. And Stop Snorting That Flour
Little girl at checkstand: Mommy, I want to drink my soda out of a paper bag, just like daddy!
Safeway
Lakeport, California
Overheard by: Corinna
Ten Bucks Says She Has a Daughter Who’s Single
Lady to man putting bagels in a bag: Are you getting those because you are Jewish?
Whole Foods
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: jigawhat
Fisher-Price Introduces the Backyardigans Butt Plug
Mom gripping three kids by their collars with one hand while pointing with each word at each kid with her other hand: I. Don’t. Want. To. Hear. Another. Word. About. Sticking. Something. Up. Your. Asses!
Toy aisle, Wal-Mart
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: keller-wish i’d gotten there fifteen seconds earlier
See –Look at Her Go to Town on That Man’s Shoe
Little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Emma just kissed the shopping cart!
Father: She’ll kiss worse things in her life.
Hannaford
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
From Then On, Whenever Sally Did Naughty Things, She Blamed Baby Jesus
Grocery store bagger (handing stuffed cat to little girl): So, what are you going to name your new kitty?
Little girl: Baby Jesus!
California
Or Reject Gender Stratification
Five-year boy in front of a door: (frantically) Which one? I have to go!
Exasperated mother: The men’s room.
Little boy: Which one?!
Mother: That one (points) and that’s why you need to learn to read.
Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina
That’s the Last Time Mommy Is Taking You to Work
Four-year-old boy, singing: I’m gonna piss in your mouth, I’m gonna piss on your head…
Mom: Sweetie, who are you talking to?
Four-year-old boy: You.
Mom: Oh, okay.
Publix grocery store
Florida
Overheard by: Amused yet appalled
