Nanny (in thick Irish accent): Get over here right now!
(little girl does not move)
Nanny: Jesus sees you!
(little girl still not moving)
Nanny: Santa sees you, and you’ll get nothing!
(little girl runs to nanny)
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Charles
Brunette: I use babies as a unit of measurement.
5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Teen cashier at checkout: Are you listening to music on an iPod?
Geriatric customer: It’s an iPhone.
Teen cashier: Dude, you’re ballin’.
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Hoosier
Excited student: I got a B+ on my Nietzsche paper!
Friend: The one based on a Dungeons & Dragons joke?
Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado
Overenthusiastic principal: So, where’d ya guys go for lunch? Huh?
Jaded student (indicating Subway cup): I ate fresh.
Principal: Did you go the 6 inch route? Or the 12 inch?
Student: I, uhhh… 6.
Principal, grinning: Don’t worry, Shane* -I think you’re man enough to take a 12-inch.
Livingston, Montana
English teacher: Calling someone a douche is not a constructive comment, even if it’s true.
Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
(grandmother mumbles something unintelligible)
Young girl: Oh my god, grandma! I didn’t want to hear how grandpa was hung like a whale!
Longview, Washington
Overheard by: CaerBear
Mother to son, after chatting with woman: I’m always extra nice to her because your father can’t stand her.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Dentist
Teenage to friends: My dad says it’s only gay if you make eye contact.
Lacomb, Oregon
Overheard by: lalenalynn
Professor: How does female humor differ from that of males?
Student: Women don’t have the luxury to be funny.
Stanford, California
Overheard by: fliushkin
