Long-nosed cute blond girl: So you're basically offering to fuck me in the arse?
Drunk guy: Not in the arse per se, but I can't guarantee that I won't get the wrong hole and just go for it.
Long-nosed cute blond girl: You do know we just met five minutes ago?
Drunk guy: What can I say? I work fast.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Drunk guy to group of teens: If you're on the moon and you ain't got no shoes, man, you're outta luck.
Rye, New York
Overheard by: Grizzzly
Drunk guy to drunk girl: If any of these guys see your boobies tonight and I don’t, I’ll slit your throat!
Maple Lanes Bowling Alley
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Drunk student: I want nothing more in life than to be able to turn into a shoehorn.
Vancouver
Canadia
Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what’s your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter’s name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.
Bar
Los Angeles, California
Drunk guy to friend: I didn't respect her because she didn't respect the sandwich.
Scooter's Bar
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kate
Drunk punk girl #1: Oh my god! Is that a raccoon? I think it's staring at me!
Drunk punk girl #2: That's a fuckin shirt, you retard.
Drunk punk girl #1: Well, if it bites me, I'm punching you in the ovaries!
Drunk punk girl #2, muttering: I need new friends.
Outside Bar
Niagara Falls, New York
Drunk girl screaming: No one here cares about any of the issues. None of you are from here. That just makes me sick, none of you are fucking from here.
Bus driver over PA: Sweetie, unless your name is Pocahontas, you're not from here either.
NJ Transit Bus
Black girl #1: Okay, I know what I’m getting. Do you know what you’re getting?
White girl: I’ve never been here before. Let me look for a while. [Pauses, then yells.] Wait a minute! Popeye’s a sailor; Why does he sell chicken?
Black girl #2: Oh my god, shut up now or no more vodka for you for the rest of the night!
White girl: Okay. [Giggles.] I’m sorry.
[Black girls start talking to each other.]White girl, yelling: Why are there no white people in here?!
Black girl #1: Aww fuck, take her outside to the car. This is her first and last time ever coming here!
Popeye’s
Trenton, New Jersey
Drunk aboriginal man to drunk friends: I just got out of jail. My mum's been crying for me, my dog's been praying for me, my uncle Bob's been praying for me, all to get me back to Narrogin. I tell you, I'm the king of that town.
Fremantle
Australia
