Mellow teen: I got slapped in the tit with a dildo last night.
New Paltz, New York
Frustrated waitress: There’s not enough Scotchguard in the world to help those sex cushions!
Rudyard’s
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Hales
Guy #1: Well, they do say life’s short, gotta make the most of it.
Guy #2: I am pretty positive life is the longest thing I am ever going to do. And I am not going into that strip club, okay?
Sydney
Australia
Random smoker at party: If Jesus cockblocks me one more time, I am going to find where he lives!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Redhead to 30-something man: You like Jason Mraz. I like Jason Mraz. Therefore, we're not having an affair.
Line for Jason Mraz Concert
Hammersmith Apollo, London
England
Overheard by: Tom
20-something girl on cell: She washed all the fruit before putting it into the bowl. (pause) We're gonna need a medium-sized male stripper to go along with it, also.
NJ Transit
New Jersey
Obviously gay guy: I mean, I'm not surprised at all that people think I'm gay. I've got this high voice, I'm bitchy, and I like to wear dresses.
Friend: (nods in approval)
Dining Hall
UNC Chapel Hill
College student: As soon as I get rid of this molluscum, watch out, I am on the prowl again.
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: I hear ya
Private junior high school boy #1: Oh my god, so the other day someone hacked onto my Facebook account and changed everything to gay. My activities were gay, my favorite movies were gay, I was even interested in men!
Private junior high school boy #2, without irony: Dude, that's so gay.
Toronto
Canadia
College jock: Girls suck. I would so be your gay lover if it weren’t for the whole butt-sex thing.
Scrawny friend: Me too, man.
Davis, California
