Middle-aged guy: Yeah, I’ve been in a couple of accidents before. One time this lady rear-ended me out of nowhere.
Middle-aged woman: Did you sue her?
Middle-aged guy: Of course I did. How do you think we paid for in-vitro?
Newark Airtrain, New Jersey
Guy #1: How much have you had to drink?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: But how many?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: Yeah, how many beers have you had?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: How many have you had though?
Guy #2: I’m only drinking beers tonight.
Pinehaven
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Lit professor: Now, when we plant humans and they grow, we call those “zombies”.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Student: Maybe he’s gay for the snake.
Teacher: Did you just say “gay for the snake”?!
Pleasantville High School
Pleasantville, New York
Lady on PA system: United 119 passengers can claim their baggage at carousel D… D as in delicious. Delicious mango. Delicious, delicious mangoes.
Logan International Airport
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: John Y
Yuppie teen girl #1: I’m sooo glad it didn’t happen when those boys were looking at the restaurant!
Yuppie teen girl #2: Your face is totally like a target for their… like… stuff.
Hotel elevator
South Carolina
Overheard by: wtf are you talking about?
