Professor: So, the point of this lecture is never, ever buy a squirrel monkey. They will plot your demise and gouge your eyes out in your sleep.
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Professor: So, the point of this lecture is never, ever buy a squirrel monkey. They will plot your demise and gouge your eyes out in your sleep.
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Chick on cell: You can do that naked?!
Dude: Honey, you can do a lot of things naked.
Blockbuster Video
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Revulsion of People
Chick: Oh my god, look at this baby! It is so ugly! I didn’t think babies were allowed to be ugly!
University of Denver
Denver, Colorado
Chick, breaking long silence: Look! An Asian!
Everyone on bus, in unison: Yay!
High school bus
Englewood, Colorado
Girl #1: So, what’s your idea of the perfect guy?
Girl #2: Oh, I know what she’ll say! Jesus.
Girl #3, blushing: She’s right.
Girl #1, rolling eyes: Ugh! But you can’t go down on Jesus… can you?
Franklin, North Carolina
Overheard by: J-Bake-Oh
Professor: So, do you guys think fornication is man’s greatest pleasure?
First year Humanities class: [Embarrassed silence.]Brave student: Um… I don’t know about greatest… I mean, I like to eat.
Professor, slamming hands down on desk: I’ve been eating for 62 years, and I’ve never gotten an orgasm from it!
Richmond, Indiana
Girl on phone: Hey, honey, good news — I can get you your hair back.
Fortitude Valley
Brisbane
Australia
Guy #1: It doesn’t matter if you can pee longer than I can, because I can still drink more than you, so I win overall.
Guy #2: No, peeing longer means I can have sex longer than you.
Guy #1: … Dude, you’re a virgin.
Restroom, Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: What the…
Man to date: You know what, I like you so much I’d get HIV tested for you.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Kara
Woman to crying toddler: Now, stop it, or that policeman over there will come and take you away!
Man: That’s right.
Woman: That’s what policemen do. They take little boys away.
Man: That’s right.
Outside the John Hancock Center
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: passerby-ing
