Middle-aged woman to friend: I will text the shit out of your ass, but I will not leave you a voicemail!
The Premiere Grill
Valparaiso, Indiana
Middle-aged woman to friend: I will text the shit out of your ass, but I will not leave you a voicemail!
The Premiere Grill
Valparaiso, Indiana
Brunette girl: So like, if I had a mustache, would you tell me?
Tall blonde friend: Of course, would you tell me?
Brunette: Totally.
Tall blonde: I totally have a mustache?!
Brunette: No, no, no…I would totally tell you if you did, but you don't!
Tall blonde: Oh, okay.
(several seconds pass, they sip drinks)
Tall blonde: So we're having topless sleepover at my place tonight, right?
Red Maple
Baltimore, Maryland
20-something hipster chick: I cried throughout the whole movie. Seriously, I was bawling! Richard Nixon was such a sad man.
Tick Tock Diner
Passiac, New Jersey
Overheard by: JoBell
Girl #1: I never saw what you saw in him.
Girl #2: Yeah, you're right. I was bored. It's like the whole “never go grocery shopping hungry” thing–I guess one should never jump into a relationship when bored or lonely.
Coffeehouse
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Sweet Tea
Mormon girl: When I grow up, I want to celebrate Chanukah! I mean, I just like Jews. I like Jew food, Jew noses, Jew hair styles… Oh my gosh, I love those curly bangs! I just want to pull one and watch it go “sproinnnnng!”
IHOP
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: I'm Jewish, but surprisingly NOT offended…
Young mother to four-year-old boy: C'mon, sweetie, let's wash your hands.
Sarcastic father: Yeah, dude, you're disgusting.
Boy (increasingly louder): Yes. I am disgusting. You know what else is disgusting? My penis!
IHOP
Hammond, Louisiana
Overheard by: The Only Small Press in Bumfuck
Waitress talking in the kitchen: I'm going to come back there and smack you till you smile. (now sings loudly) I'm going to come back there and smack you till you smile!
International House of Pancakes
Kansas
Mother to teenage daughter: Are you sure you don't want anything?
Skinny teenage daughter: Nah. (shrugs) My uterus isn't happy.
(mother raises a quizzical eyebrow)
Skinny teenage daughter: It's all like: “hello, I'm a uterus, and I'm going to bloat my way through for awhile, and push Ms Stomach organ out through Ms Bellybutton.”
Mother: Oh.
Burger King
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: i just work here…
Guy to date: And then, after work, he sorts out men's erectile dysfunction.
Greek Restaurant
London
England
Overheard by: Sam Veale
Guy: I just want to know how big his nipples are!
Revolution Cafe
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: crafty biotech
