Mormon girl: When I grow up, I want to celebrate Chanukah! I mean, I just like Jews. I like Jew food, Jew noses, Jew hair styles… Oh my gosh, I love those curly bangs! I just want to pull one and watch it go “sproinnnnng!”
IHOP
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: I'm Jewish, but surprisingly NOT offended…
Young mother to four-year-old boy: C'mon, sweetie, let's wash your hands.
Sarcastic father: Yeah, dude, you're disgusting.
Boy (increasingly louder): Yes. I am disgusting. You know what else is disgusting? My penis!
IHOP
Hammond, Louisiana
Overheard by: The Only Small Press in Bumfuck
Waitress talking in the kitchen: I'm going to come back there and smack you till you smile. (now sings loudly) I'm going to come back there and smack you till you smile!
International House of Pancakes
Kansas
Mother to teenage daughter: Are you sure you don't want anything?
Skinny teenage daughter: Nah. (shrugs) My uterus isn't happy.
(mother raises a quizzical eyebrow)
Skinny teenage daughter: It's all like: “hello, I'm a uterus, and I'm going to bloat my way through for awhile, and push Ms Stomach organ out through Ms Bellybutton.”
Mother: Oh.
Burger King
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: i just work here…
Guy to date: And then, after work, he sorts out men's erectile dysfunction.
Greek Restaurant
London
England
Overheard by: Sam Veale
Guy: I just want to know how big his nipples are!
Revolution Cafe
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: crafty biotech
Father: Sweetie, your affection for the dog is causing you to hallucinate.
Empress Pavillion
Chinatown, California
Overheard by: Yapplebee
Surprised biker: And once he was released from custody, he never ate rice again.
Outside Burger Joint
Glendale, California
Overheard by: Brady
20-something chick, pouring wine: I hear wine is a good cure for gonorrhea.
Tiger Noodles
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Brokeass Harem
Woman eating pizza with friends: So, do you want to go to the hospital? Okay, I'm on my way…I'll be a few minutes though. (hangs up and continues eating)
Louis Pizza
Detroit, Michigan
