Planned parenthood speaker: I’m here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!
High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado
Planned parenthood speaker: I’m here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!
High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado
Girl #1: Yeah, that’s not cool, but I understand. He sounds very immature.
Girl #2: He is. It’s such a shame. I laid in bed last night reminiscing about the time I spent with him in bed. It’s like I can still feel it. Too bad he’s such an asshole, and too bad that good dick makes me so… not able to accept what a douchebag a guy really is.
Atlanta, Georgia
Ten-year-old boy: You know what I would have if I could have four wishes?
Big sister: I don’t know. What?
Ten-year-old boy: One: no drought in Georgia; Two: no global warming; Three: world peace; Four: a Komodo dragon that is really nice and fun to play with, is a vegetarian, lives forever and can grant eternal life.
Druid Hills, Atlanta
Overheard by: Miranda
Teen boy to other teen boy: You’d be racist if you weren’t so funny.
Leeds, England
Overheard by: Ashleigh
Biology professor: There are a lot of great tits in england.
Knox College
Galesburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Oh, bio…
Teen girl: Sam is so sexy. There’s like, no poopy on him.
Palm City, Florida
Overheard by: I don’t know about you
Girl on cell: Listen, he is not a nice guy. Anyone with handcuffs permanently attached to his bed frame is not a nice guy.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Girl: So then I was about to call him a giant asshole, but I figured he’d take it as a compliment…
Guy: I get it! It’s because he’s gay!
University of Alabama
Alabama
Professor: Can anyone give me an example of an equal relationship?
Student: Husband and wife?
Professor: Oh, you’re so idealistic…
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Patron #1: Keith is really sorry to have acted like that.
Bartender: Does he even realize how drunk he was?
Patron #1: I’m just saying, that is not the Keith we know
Patron #2: [starts laughing].
Bartender: Well, he is a nice guy, he just gets too drunk.
Patron #1: I’m just letting you know, that according to all the cats he knows, you are the meow [makes a pawing gesture].
Bartender: Okay, how drunk are you?
Patron #2: He doesn’t even know who Keith is.
Patron #1: Where are we?
Bennigans
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Chris
