Compliments

Teen cashier at checkout: Are you listening to music on an iPod?
Geriatric customer: It’s an iPhone.
Teen cashier: Dude, you’re ballin’.

Columbus, Indiana

Overheard by: Hoosier

Girl, observing a display of plush microbes: I want herpes! I think it’s so cute!

SUNY
Geneseo, New York

Overheard by: Jeni

Middle-aged creepster: She was a slut in middle school, so she’s my type of girl.

Gentle Bens Brewery
Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: a middle school slut

Young woman, after graphic conversation about sex and drugs: Do you ever think, while we’re talking: “Wow, the people on the train are so lucky to get to listen to us on their morning commute!”?
Older woman: Oh my god, all the time.

Train
Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: catherine

Bimbette: What’s wrong with gay people? Gay people are funny.

Religion Class
El Paso, Texas

Hubby: Absolute power corrupts absolutely, dear.
Wifey: It’s not absolute.
Hubby: It isn’t?
Wifey: No. You’re not bowing.
Cashier: Ooh, I like you.

Eau Claire, Wisconsin

Overheard by: the girl with the hat

Girl#1: I mean, my parents have no money now. Dad lost it in his “snort” phase.
Girl#2: My mom had that phase, but now she’s just into the “prescription” phase.
Girl#3: That’s a great phase.

Banana Republic
Kitchener
Canada

Planned parenthood speaker: I’m here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!

High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado

Girl #1: Yeah, that’s not cool, but I understand. He sounds very immature.
Girl #2: He is. It’s such a shame. I laid in bed last night reminiscing about the time I spent with him in bed. It’s like I can still feel it. Too bad he’s such an asshole, and too bad that good dick makes me so… not able to accept what a douchebag a guy really is.

Atlanta, Georgia

Ten-year-old boy: You know what I would have if I could have four wishes?
Big sister: I don’t know. What?
Ten-year-old boy: One: no drought in Georgia; Two: no global warming; Three: world peace; Four: a Komodo dragon that is really nice and fun to play with, is a vegetarian, lives forever and can grant eternal life.

Druid Hills, Atlanta

Overheard by: Miranda