What Are You Doing in Albuquerque, Then?

Security officer, pulling out fingernail clippers from carry-on: Sir, what are your intentions with these?
Man in line, deadpan: To take over the world.

Albuquerque, New Mexico

Overheard by: Zombie

Posted on August 6, 2015
Clients, Cops, New Mexico, Public transportation, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes

Guys In Wheelchairs Get All the Breaks

Giddy girl, to guy in a wheelchair: Well, you certainly have sexual harassment down pat.

Art Department
University of Alaska

Posted on August 5, 2015
Alaska, Colleges & Universities, Disabled, Girls, Sex, Weirdness

I Always Thought She Seemed a Bit Fuzzy for a Girl

Girl student: Her family is so weird.
Guy student: How so?
Girl student: Her dad, like, goes in her backyard and catches squirrels.
Guy student, after long pause: Wait, what does he do with them?
Girl student: Raises them?

Starbucks
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Ashlie

Posted on August 5, 2015
Animals, Girls, Minnesota, Questions, Students, Weirdness

Your Prostitutes Will Be Right on Time.

Substitute teacher: Because your teacher is gone today, your prostitutions… Wait! No! Prosecutions… No, not that one either. Presentations. Yes, that's the one! Your presentations will be postponed.

High School
Kuna, Idaho

Overheard by: Girl in the back of the class

Posted on August 4, 2015
Education, Idaho, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Sex, Teachers, Weirdness, Words

When the Earth Was Green and Everyone Was Horny

Teenage girl to friend: I wish I lived back when there were unicorns!

Wyoming

Posted on August 3, 2015
Animals, Default, Girls, Teens, Weirdness, Wishes, Wyoming

Oh Yeah, You’d Like Me to Pour You on My Meat

Guy to friend: My hot sauce packet is talking dirty to me.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Josh

Posted on August 2, 2015
California, Default, Etiquette, Fears, Food, Friends, Guys, Sexuality, Weirdness

God: Suddenly I’m Getting All the Attention I Deserve

Professor, whispering: What is god doing with female breasts?

Oglethorpe University
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Caylin

Posted on August 1, 2015
Body parts, Class, Education, Georgia, God, Questions, Sexuality, Teachers, Weirdness

A Damsel in Distress Can Count on a Guy Peeing on Her

Teen girl #1: I wish a jellyfish would sting me so some handsome guy would run along the beach, whip out his dick and pee on me.
Teen girl #2: What?
Teen girl #1: To neutralize the sting, dumbass.
Teen girl #2: I know that. But still: what?

Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia