Man #1: So she looks up at me with this, look, right? And she grips my dick real hard and then gets this terrified look as she picks it off on my pubes…
Man #2: Oh, dude, I’m gonna vomit.
Man #1: It was a fucking dingleberry. And it wasn’t mine, dude.
Gym
Oregon
College guy: And then, there would be no more vagina!
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Laiah and Caitlin
Middle-aged guy: Yeah, I’ve been in a couple of accidents before. One time this lady rear-ended me out of nowhere.
Middle-aged woman: Did you sue her?
Middle-aged guy: Of course I did. How do you think we paid for in-vitro?
Newark Airtrain, New Jersey
Asian boy trying to open locked door: Man, how am I supposed to open this with my super Asian powers?!
Townview Magnet Center
Dallas, Texas
Male flight attendant: … And if you brought more than two children with you today, decide which your favorite is and oxygen that one first.
Southwest Airlines Flight #135
Guy #1: How much have you had to drink?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: But how many?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: Yeah, how many beers have you had?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: How many have you had though?
Guy #2: I’m only drinking beers tonight.
Pinehaven
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Serious drunk guy: I made babies with a woman!
BrewFest
Jenkintown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Drunk Girl
Screaming seven-year-old on the ground: But I want to sing! I want to sing now!
Patient but angry mom: Well, you should have thought about that before. It’s too late. Now get your kazoo and get in the car.
Easley High
Easley, South Carolina
